But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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