woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
