is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
