I need help removing her.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This baby is an asshole
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
