Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
