Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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