wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
