My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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