I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
This house was built for laser tag.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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