well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
