Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
