dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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