Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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