Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
