having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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