break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
