he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
