Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
