Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
