Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
