I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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