I think i peed on brittanys purse
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
