she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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