i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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