Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
