Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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