Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
