I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
