haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You need Xanax blowdarts
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
