brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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