I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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