What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
