Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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