i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
