lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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