I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
