Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
