I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
