I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
