we made out on top of his cat.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
