She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
YAS. BRING CRAB.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
