Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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