he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
