I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
