Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
