I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
