You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
