Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
