There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
