drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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