i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
