it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
