11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
wow bdsm is so cute
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
