Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The uberlube is also flammable
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
