I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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